Monday, February 1, 2010

Tough Topic

Last Monday, my Danno's grandmother passed away after finding out only 5 days earlier that she had acute leukemia and that it was not treatable.

We took the kids up to see her at the hospital. They were fine with all the monitors and cords and they filled the room with energy and noise. I was so scared sis would yank a cord from the wall in all of her bouciness, and a loud beeping would then ensue and a flood of nurses would storm in because my children were curious. But she didn't. Thank goodness.

Nan-na was in good spirits that day. She was able to communicate and talk to my kids amoungst all their boisterous energy. So thankful for that. 2 days later she was gone.

We had a discussion over whether to take the kids or not. Danno decided he wanted them to be there to play with cousins and other family. I wasn't really concerned about the babies. I knew they would never remember or question anything. But my J would know. He would ask. Dan talked to him because he has a way with words that I cannot explain. The door to our office opened after their talk and Jackson came out and sat down next to me. "Mommy? Nan-na died. Why?"

So hard. So very hard.

I explained to him that she was sick and how our bodies get older and are not able to fight disease like it used to when we are young and healthy. I said more. Not much more. Told him she had no pain and was with Jesus. He just quietly shook his head and left my side.

All I wanted to do was grab him and keep innocent. Oblivious to pain and death.

He prayed for her that night. I wish I could have witnessed that sweet innocent prayer that he said he prayed; that I could answer the questions that he wasn't asking me; that I would know what he felt.

I was dreading the day of the funeral for him, wanting to protect questioning eyes and thoughts. He said very little. Just observed and seemed very sad.

I think he aged 5 years that day. I know that questions are still to come when he's ready to ask us, and I pray that I have the wisdom and words to help him understand and not be frightened, but comforted.


City girl turned Country Girl said...

OH Seeny, I am SO sorry!! I know all to well the pain you are feeling for your baby...Justin was Best Friends with my dad and they shared the same Birthday so when he passed away it really took something away from him, he was 11 and he still has his moments...But rest assured that J feels absolute safety in you and Danno so he will never be afraid! You totally did the right thing with him, even though the "right" thing has made his little heart sad...

I am praying for you all, she will obviously be very missed...God Bless..

The Daniel Family said...

So sorry for your family. I think things like this hurt worse when you have to share them with your children. I believe in letting kids be involved, and after both of my grandmothers passing in the last 3 years, I know just how you feel about Jackson. Prayers are with your family as you move on.

Sabrina, stay at home Career MOM... said...

Oh I can't imagine answering that question some day. So sorry to hear about her.